Things get scary, and it’s easy to hide.
Hurt feels like a foreign object to the soul.
It’s like my mind feels like it’s in an abyss.
The only thing keeping me tethered is the sun and her seeds.
See, I was birthed to Jupiter, the mother of expansion, the mother of natural beauty, but it seems to me as if I keep expanding so far, so wide, to a place that seems unfamiliar that when
I tapped into
Something to call home,
I’ve become this place. Even in space, I’ve become a place the depths of my being can only hold darkness.
I get that, I get that it’s pitch black, I get that it’s a match match, I get that I am wandering alone in darkness, a single light.
And maybe that’s why love scares me.
Because I’ve been the one lighting the way
With nobody walking beside me.
Maybe I’m not hard to love.
Maybe I’ve just been loving in places
Where my softness gets punished.
I don’t want to beg to be understood.
I don’t want to translate my heart
Into smaller words.
I want someone new
Not as an escape,
But simply as proof
That my expansion doesn’t have to mean exile.
Someone who doesn’t flinch at my depth.
Someone who doesn’t ask me to dim
So they can feel bigger.
Someone who sees that I am wandering alone in darkness, a single light,
and comes closer
not to put me out,
but to warm their hands
and stay.
And I’m good.
Not because it didn’t hurt
but because it didn’t end me.
I’m not begging the past to be gentler.
I’m not chasing closure like it owes me something.
I’m learning the next lessons
in my new chapter,
soft hands, steady breath,
a heart that still opens
just smarter now.
I don’t need love that confuses me.
I don’t need love that costs me my peace.
If it’s for me, it will feel like my soul returning home
quiet, real, and warm.
If it’s not, I will still grow.
Because I’m still tethered.
Still blooming.
Still here.
A single light
and I’m not afraid of the dark anymore.
-Tara SimoneTM